The older brother doesn’t get talked about too often. Yet, when we do hear about him, we are presented with a picture of jealously, and told how we need to avoid it, and rejoice when a ‘sinner’ returns to God.

Yet, there are some key points to this story that have stood out to me recently, that I have rarely ever heard discussed.

One is how both sons misinterpreted, or didn’t trust their father’s heart. This is crucial to understand.

Was the young son’s perception that his father was, or would, hold out on him? That he wasn’t getting all he wanted or deserved? We’re not clearly told in the story what the son was thinking, yet, you can conclude that he misinterpreted his father’s heart.

What about the older son?

He stayed home, even though he received his share of the estate the same time his brother did! Where was his heart, his perception about his father? He makes it pretty clear for us, “…worked like a slave for you, and I never disobeyed your commands.” I’m willing to say he totally misinterpreted his father’s heart.

The father’s heart…

As soon as the younger son asks for “his share of the estate that will belong to him”, the father freely gives it, to both sons. There is no dialog in the story about his father pleading with him to not take it, begging him not to waste it, or telling him what he can and can’t do with it. He doesn’t tell him that he is going to have to wait like everyone else. He simply gives it to him, unconditionally.

Think about that.

And his response to the older son on the return of the younger, “Son, you are always with me, and everything that belongs to me is yours.”

Did you hear that?!

What’s the father’s heart in this story? He gives unconditionally, holding nothing back, to both sons!

Do you understand that all God has is yours?

There are plenty of other stories in the bible about misinterpreting or not trusting God’s heart.

When the Israelis first arrived at the door of the promised land, what happened? They didn’t trust God’s heart and it landed them in the desert.

Adam and Eve? … They didn’t trust God’s heart.

How have you misinterpreted the Father’s heart? Are you the younger son, thinking God is holding out on you? The older son, thinking you have to earn or work for God’s favor?

Do you Trust Him?

(You can!)

I went to a Daddy Daughter camp with my two girls. This was a first for me, as a daddy or a son. Let me tell you, we had an awesome time! Crud wars, climbing walls, zip lines, crafts, an awesome time! So, as the last day of the weekend was coming, the enemy really kicked my but. I was up all night with a headache and nausea. I was hearing all morning

“I need to leave, I got a 6 hour drive home. What if I get sicker and end up driving home vomiting all the way? The schedule looks like they are gonna have a 2 hour church service this morning, you definitely don’t wanna have to sit through that!”

I knew it was the enemy, I made no agreements. Then as the morning started I found out that the ‘service’ was a time for each dad to take his daughter up in front and speak a blessing to her, the light came on and then I knew what all the crap hitting me was about. I called Sandy and we prayed through it. I sat there watching every guy go up and bless their daughter(s), still feeling Very Sick. As I went up there with my girls, I shared with the guys about my family history, how important this ‘blessing’ is, and how extremely sick I felt as Satan opposed this, and asked them to pray for me. I immediately felt good and was able to bless my girls from my heart, without distraction. As I stepped off the stage, I felt as sick as I did before. It was a long drive home. It was a great weekend!

Before the weekend started I received an email from a great friend…

Rocco,

I love verse 4 in Isaiah 61. It’s about you and me. We are rebuilding, restoring and renewing all that has been devastated for generations. That is what you’ll be doing this weekend!

Have a GREAT time and enjoy Father’s smile on YOU as your girls enjoy your smile.

-Evergood

Isaiah 61
The Year of the LORD’s Favor

1 The Spirit of the Sovereign LORD is on me,
because the LORD has anointed me
to preach good news to the poor.
He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted,
to proclaim freedom for the captives
and release from darkness for the prisoners, [a]

2 to proclaim the year of the LORD’s favor
and the day of vengeance of our God,
to comfort all who mourn,

3 and provide for those who grieve in Zion—
to bestow on them a crown of beauty
instead of ashes,
the oil of gladness
instead of mourning,
and a garment of praise
instead of a spirit of despair.
They will be called oaks of righteousness,
a planting of the LORD
for the display of his splendor.

4 They will rebuild the ancient ruins
and restore the places long devastated;
they will renew the ruined cities
that have been devastated for generations.

What devastated places has God restored in your life?

What devastated places do you need Him to restore?

Rocco
Rohon!

2.5 years ago I found my heart, resulting in my living in Father’s love, and in love with Him. This all thanks to the books ‘Wild at Heart’ and ‘Sacred Romance’ by John Eldridge of Ransomed Heart.

This past summer I went on a road trip with the family, and part of that was a stop in Chicago where I got to spend some time with a couple of my Great Aunts. I quizzed them on my ancestry and found that as far back as they can remember, the men in the line of my family have been Emotionally/Mentally (sometimes physically) Abusive Drunks. It was very much my intention to ask, and find out as much as I could about my past. (Yes, I grew up in a home with an alcoholic dad.)

You may have heard of Craig McConnell from Ransomed Heart, about the story of his dad, step dad*, and grandfather. How his dad died in WW2 around the time he was born. Adopted by his step dad, Craig grew up knowing little, if anything, about his real dad and family. It wasn’t until he was much older that he found out that his grandfather was the first missionary to a South American country. I wanted that. I was hoping to find out that my great Grandfather or distant relative was a great man. But, alas, no. No men of God, no missionaries, no inventors, politicians, business owners, nothing. … Bummer.**

But Father came for me in that. Speaking into my life…

“Rocco you are that man! Generations will come, and look back at you with grateful hearts for being their forefather, a man who loves Me and who truly knows how much I love him!!. They will say ‘It was my great great grandfather Rocco who first loved God.’ Our enemy, Satan, has been working for four generations to take you out Rocco. You are that important, and he fears you!”

Wow.

Wow.

Question for you … Do you know who you are in God’s eyes?

…to be continued…

That turned out to be an awesome adventure! I experienced a lot of growth in my masculine journey, physically, mentally, and emotionally through all the different processes I had to prepare for, and go through! As well as some growth as God’s Son/Warrior/Beloved! There were some agreements broken and wounds healed. One overwhelming theme has been “You have what it takes.” “You can do this.” “See, I knew you could do that!” “Well done Son!” I think I blazed through a couple of the stages of the masculine journey in the past two years! I am still on the waiting list for two of the departments.

I know Father led me to pursue that path, as much as I know that I am not on that path anymore by His design. Monday August 24th I officially started classes full time at BGSU/Online. Should take me a little over 2 semesters to finish my BS in Tech. Ed., then on to a Masters. Not sure what yet, knowing Father will tell me when I need to know (but leaning towards something in counseling). He is leading me to finish my BS and beyond into something more geared to my glory, the glory that He has bestowed upon me, and desires me to live in, His Glory shining through me.

I know I am on the right path, I know this because it is opposed. I press on, I have what it takes. I can do this.

After the festivities were over and my wife and I we were just about to turn in, Luke came into our bedroom and sat on our bed. He then jumped next to me to snuggle. I asked him if anything was wrong. He said no. Then he asked if I could pray for him. Now typically this is something we do together on his bed as he is going to sleep. But he had a specific request.

“Now that I’m 13, would please pray that I can get to know God better and that I can make faith in God my own and that I would live out my faith.”

Wow. I couldn’t have scripted this any better. Next to me was my oldest son, whom at 3 months of age was hospitalized for 30 days and almost died. I believed then that God spared his life for a purpose. And my prayer ever since has been that he would become a mighty warrior for Christ. In his own way, he expressed the desire of my heart.

Words fail in the ability to express my emotions then and right now as I type this to you. Humbled? Grateful? Sober? Amazed? Overwhelmed? So joyful that I just want to run outside and scream and dance and sing?

I share this to encourage your heart. Our faith is living and active and the investment we make into our children and others will reap huge dividends for the Kingdom. We do not serve an impotent God. We serve a ‘right here with me now’ Father who is actively engaged in advancing His Kingdom in our hearts and lives. This is what it’s all about.

Now, just be sure to remind me of this ‘Hallmark moment’ when he’s driving me so nuts that I want to pull out all of my grey hair. That will bring me back to reality real quick!

“Knight her.”

Ha ha, uh what? How do you knight a woman? That, that’s a guy thing.

“Think about it, you’ll figure it out.” He said.

So I thought. After a few days I was thinking of the final battle in Lord of the Rings when Eowyn slayed the witch king, when Father shows up…and revealed Sandy’s part in His story and how it fits with my part in His story…

“Remember when you were preparing for the Boot Camp this past spring and were being attacked by the enemy? Remember Sandy showing up and fighting for you in that? Remember when you were struggling with questions of work and how she showed up and pointed out that you are a warrior made for battle, and this is just a time between battles? How that – like Eowyn who stood between the Nazgul and her uncle – Sandy bears her weapons well in the battle? She is a Shieldmaiden in my Kingdom, beautiful and strong in Heart.”

At dawn on March 15, the Rohirrim rode into battle on the Pelennor Fields. Eowyn left her place in Elfhelm’s eored and rode with the King’s company, remaining near Theoden through the charge. Suddenly the Witch-king of Angmar, Lord of the Nazgul, descended onto the field mounted on a Fell Beast. Windfola threw Eowyn and Merry in terror. When she saw that Theoden had been crushed under his own horse, Eowyn wept for she had loved him like a father and she confronted the Witch-king.

“Begone, foul dwimmerlaik, lord of carrion! Leave the dead in peace!”

A cold voice answered: “Come not between the Nazgul and his prey! Or he will not slay thee in thy turn. He will bear thee away to the houses of lamentation, beyond all darkness, where thy flesh shall be devoured, and thy shrivelled mind be left naked to the Lidless Eye.”

A sword rang as it was drawn. “Do what you will; but I will hinder it, if I may.”

“Hinder me? Thou fool. No living man may hinder me!”

Then Merry heard of all sounds in that hour the strangest. It seemed that Dernhelm laughed, and the clear voice was like the ring of steel. “But no living man am I! You look upon a woman. Eowyn I am, Eomund’s daughter. You stand between me and my
lord and kin. Begone, if you be not deathless! For living or dark undead, I will smite you, if you touch him.” The Return of the King: “The Battle of the Pelennor Fields,” p. 116

The Fell Beast shrieked and struck at her, but Eowyn stood her ground and she beheaded the evil creature with one swift and skillful stroke. The Witch-king shattered her shield and her shield-arm with his mace and she fell to her knees. The Witch-king prepared to deliver the death blow, but then Merry pierced the sinew of the his knee with his sword of Westernesse, causing the Witch-king to stumble.

Eowyn summoned her strength and thrust her sword into the space between his crown and mantle, and the Witch-king was vanquished. His robes fell empty to the ground and his spirit passed away with a shrill wail. Thus it was that Eowyn fulfilled a 1,000-year-old prophecy spoken by the Elf-lord Glorfindel that the Witch-king would not fall by the hand of man.

So I gave a little speach at her party and ended it like so…

For Years Sandy has fought hard for the hearts of her family. Especially mine.

She has taken up sword and shield often in the last 2 years as I have found my heart, and starting fighting for the hearts of other men. She has been a powerful ally against our enemy in the battle for God’s kingdom.

I just cannot think of going to battle without her at my side.

So as an Honor to her and a witness to all who came to her party, I presented her with a symbol of her Spiritual bravery, strength and wisdom. A replica of Eowyn’s sword.

It was awesome, Sandy was really blessed. People were teary eyed. And men were bummed that I raised the bar so high for them . And Sandy was reeeeally blessed!

Not many men can give their wife a sword for her birthday and pull it off – But I nailed it!

It is a slippery slope for me anyway and with the “current times” it has turned into a cliff. I guess to sum it up, I have been working like things are only up to me.

Last week I noticed it. Maybe too late or maybe earlier than I normally do, but I noticed it in a unique way. I noticed it in my relationships. My relationships at home, at work, and with friends.

I am beginning to think that results and relationships are mutually exclusive.  In other words, I am coming to believe that you can have relationships or you can have results but to can’t have both. Not that if you focus on relationships there will be NO results, like everyone just sitting around drinking coffee and talking. But rather, when the primary focus is results, than I find myself manipulating people to get the results at the expense of the relationship.

When I was listening to the Ransomed heart pod cast this weekend, they were talking about “the economy” and John said something that I am still chewing on. He said that when he doesn’t feel like he has a cushion, he finds himself scrambling. In other words, trying hard to make things work. But the extra work load is a direct conflict with the “pace of life” that he feels god has shown him and that he walks in to walk with god.

What a perfect description of how I have felt. To make things work I need to “ramp it up a bit” but that leaves no room for relationships and comes from a place where I am “on my own” and must make things work. What if I walk with god and trust that things will work out? Not sit around like some fatalistic ball in the giant pin ball game of life, but as a loved son who’s father will guide me down the path of true life.

What if I didn’t scramble? What if I lived in today without the worry of tomorrow? What if I learn to love the person in front of me and lives with the belief in the “value of human life” that I have so often proclaim? What if I trusted that the really important things in life will be ok and stopped trying to make things look better than they really are?

This gave me the chills. The whole Patriotic thing at first and then it seemed like something more. I cant get past a few thoughts.

First, that the US would send a heavily armored vessel with hundreds of trained men and women to rescue one citizen in a raft half way around the world. I just think that this is so much like Father’s plan. To send in whatever it takes to get the one who is lost. He will do whatever it takes to rescue us.

Second, that we are living on sovereign soil. Yes the US is an amazing place to live, but even more important, the citizenship we have in eternity. We  have nothing to fear. We are on sovereign soil. Our enemy can try as he may, but we are safe, protected, and can’t be harmed. I am sure that a ship full of soldiers feels better than the raft with a gun to his head, but to think of it as sovereign US soil is just a whole other level.

I think I am happy to be on the ship most days, but I don’t think I live like I am on sovereign soil. I live my life in fear that I will be taken hostage by a guy with a gun while I am in the midst of hundreds of trained military personnel. I have found some freedom in this. The freedom that I am not held captive to anything and that no matter what my circumstances look like, I am on sovereign soil.

Matthew “The Cowboy” Hexter
Missing since: age 6
CLEVELAND, OHIO

What to do (from the National Center for Missing & Exploited Children):

• If your child is missing from home, search the house checking closets, piles of laundry, in and under beds, inside large appliances, and inside vehicles, including trunks—wherever a child may crawl or hide.
• If you still cannot find your child, immediately call your local law enforcement agency.
• If your child disappears in a store, notify the store manager or security office. Then immediately call your local law-enforcement agency. Many stores have a Code Adam plan of action— if a child is missing in the store, employees immediately mobilize to look for the missing child.

What do you do if YOU are the missing child?

I came across this picture today while looking through an old photo album. Here was a little guy ready to take on the world. He wasn’t play acting; we “was” a cowboy. And he had his gun drawn, ready for action at a moment’s notice.

Where is he today?

Today he looks outside the window of his home office, feeling trapped. A bunch of snow was dumped on his front lawn yesterday and he would love to get on his snow gear and run outside and build a snow fort with his kids or go sledding down the street. But he can’t. At least he thinks he can’t. The expectation from his employer is that he’ll put in his “9 to 5.” This whole ‘work’ thing feels like nothing more than a prison. And besides that, the work he does doesn’t bring life. It feels more like death. It feels so ‘left-handed.’

Is this the life the little cowboy was expecting to live? Where is that little guy now, the one who was ready to ‘take on the world?’

In some sense, this is why we need to ‘get our hearts back.’ Many of us have heard the quote: “Don’t ask what the world needs, rather, ask what makes your heart come alive, and go do that. Because what the world needs is men and women whose hearts have come alive.”

Okay, I get that. Seriously, I do.

“But…”

And that’s where the problem arises.

It’s one thing to ‘get your heart back’ at a bootcamp or retreat. But how do we ‘go do that?’ That’s the rub.

As I walk with Father on this journey, I’m starting to see that now that I have my heart back, now it’s time for some major healing, and that takes time. I can’t ‘rush the field,’ and that also applies to my ‘calling.’ While the little cowboy in me was ready to take on the world, my heart was untrained. Now that I’m walking in Father’s love, the disconnect between who I am and who I want to be is getting smaller. I am slowly becoming a ‘whole man.’ And now that wholeness is coming, my ‘go do that’ glasses are slowly bringing more and more clarity.

And in all this, I’m finally realizing that the missing child in me has been found. And that fact alone puts a big ole’ cowboy grin on my face.

It was a good time. I enjoyed getting to know Phillip more. Hearing how the father has been working in his heart. As well as getting to share and listen to everyone’s else heart. We watched a great movie. Spent the night. It truly was a good time.

Leaving in the morning I felt a little – unmet. It seems I had an expectation for God to show up in a way that he didn’t, if that makes sense.

Not too long into the hour plus drive home, as I was listening to a CD Phillip gave me, God showed up.

It went a little something like this…

As I was listening to Phillips music, I wished that I was able to write things like songs and poetry, or anything eloquently for that matter.

I thought of a song that had a line something like “In my father’s house” (not that one about the many rooms). Then it faded to more like “In my Father’s arms”. That’s when God showed up.

I saw in that moment and every moment, before and after, I was in my Father’s arms.

   ”Rocco, do you trust Me?” God asked.
   ”Uh, yes.” I answered. (Almost asking myself.)
   ”Do I give good gifts?” God Asked.
   ”Yes.” I answered.
   ”Do you trust my heart?” He asked.
   ”Yes.”
   ”Did I give you a new heart?”
   ”Yes.”
   ”Would I give you a bad heart?”
   ”No.”
   ”Then your heart is good.”
   ”Yeah.”
   ”If you trust My heart, you can trust your heart.” God proclaimed.
   ”So this doesn’t have anything to do with poetry or music, does it? How do I ‘not trust my heart’?”
   ”You relinquish your authority. You let others make decisions for you.”
   ”But, that’s cause I am trying to be nice.”
   ”No. You don’t trust your heart. I have given you your heart, the desires of your heart, not for your benefit alone, but for all those in your life. They will miss out on great things if you don’t trust your heart.”

That’s when the tears started flowing. I cried the rest of the way home pondering that. He was right. I let others make decisions based on the fact I don’t trust my own heart. I believed my judgments and wisdom was not as good as others’.

What really sealed the deal for me was late that night as my family sat in the living room, Sandy my wife was reading the final chapter of The Silver Chair by C. S. Lewis, the adventure is over and Good has prevailed. As Eustace and Jill prepare to return home, Caspian, who is now a young man again (cause they are in Heaven) asked to see their world…

   ”Oh,” said Caspian. “I see what’s bothering you. You think I’m a ghost, or some nonsense. But don’t you see? I would be if I appeared in Narnia now: because I don’t belong there anymore. But one can’t be a ghost in one’s own country. I might be a ghost if I got into your world. I don’t know. But I suppose it isn’t yours either, now your here.”
   A great hope rose in the children’s hearts. But Aslan shook his shaggy head. “No, my dears,” he said. “When you meet me here again, you will have come to stay. But not now. You must go back to your own world for a while.”
   ”Sir,” said Caspian, “I’ve always wanted to have just one glimpse of their world. Is that wrong?”
   “You cannot want wrong things any more, now that you have died, my son,” said Aslan.

God was sitting there, looking out of the corner of His eye at me, a gentle, slight smile on His face.

Lie identified, Agreement broken.

Rohon!